"God and Lawncare" - Author unknown

My friend Linda Mello sent me this. Working in the landscaping business, one of my objectives is to re-educate folks about their landscape care. I don't know who wrote this but I love how it sums up many of the principles I want to get across!

GOD AND LAWN CARE

God said:    "Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles." St. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass. GOD: Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there? ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn. GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy. ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week. GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay? ST.. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags. GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it? ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away. GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away? ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir. GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work. ST.. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it. GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life. ST.. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away. GOD: No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose? ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves. GOD: And where do they get this mulch? ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch. GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight? ST.. CATHERINE: 'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about.... GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

Landscapers Song of Lament

Poetry is often an outlet for expressing the emotions that wax and wane as a result of interpersonal relationship. With all the planting that goes on in the fall, I thought I'd share a series of botanical poetry and prose that might help others as they interact with both their plants and those that help them plant:


Landscaper’s Song of Lament
(with apologies to Joyce Kilmer)

I think that I shall never see
A sight as maddening as a tree
That I installed with care applied,
Was left un-watered until it died.
Or pansies planted in the fall
And then I get the random call,
“You said these flowers would last through freeze!”
I say, “This week it HAS been 12 degrees,
Of course they’re lying on the ground.
Next week at 50° watch them rebound.”
Then you have the West Coast guy
Who’ll plant the rose and wonder why
The leaves are eaten and not spot free.
Welcome, friend, to Tennessee!
Spring annuals provide a gorgeous display
But I’m sure to get the call of dismay:
By midsummer, the flowers look weak
“Could you come by the house and take a peek?”
No pinching was done or the rabbits have feed,
Aphids are present and fungus has spread.
No maintenance was wanted to add to the cost
So a full season’s color could be easily lost.
By late July they SHOULD realize
The need to water and to go fertilize!
There are folks who want shade plants to grow in full sun,
Bamboo to stay put, and their ivy not run.
They want something that, “Blooms all year
And never needs pruning - can we do that here?”
They want grandma’s peony that they’ve had since ‘05
In the garage in a bucket to be planted and thrive.
The most trying folks to deal with I’ve found
Are the ones who insist that the have all around
The biggest and fullest - a yard instantly grand;
But the cost for that they don’t quite understand.
Yes, gardens are planted by fools like me -
God, help all my clients not think that it’s free!